Starting Over

I messed up.

For the last 5 years, that’s what happened. I’ve repeatedly messed up different things in my life and suffered the consequences. Situations and my own behavior/poor decision-making led me down to this rabbit hole I’m in. There are times that I felt like I was only successful at disappointing myself and the people around me. It crushed me whenever I hear about people referring to my lost potential or being sayang.

I detest that word. Sayang. For most people, it’s always a prelude to regret, disappointment or mere worthlessness. If only people knew that people that they refer to as sayang, have struggled so badly to prove that label wrong. Some have succeeded in turning things around, some leave this world in vain. I feel like I’m smack right in the middle of that spectrum. 

I still have some fight in me enough for me to keep going, but on the other hand, the series of failures can drag me down if I’m not mindful enough. I just do what I can with the help of family and friends so I won’t completely lose it. 

So what brings me back here after 3 years of inactivity? Well, I want to fight for my dreams again, not just for my sake this time. I know deep inside that writing is my biggest passion, and it kept me sane which was worked well for the people around me. I never felt worthless whenever I do what I love the most. I want to be in my element again, and maybe I can be of better help to myself and to other people if I write my way towards my purpose once more.

Now let me introduce myself again. I’m Tracee, and this is a piece of my universe. From now on, my introspective, or should I say, ~serious~ posts will have a home here. But if you want to know more about what I do, and what I’m interested in, you can find me at Tracee Eats. Until the next post, which is soon, hopefully.

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